Pregnant women can be emotionally unstable, so if you must talk to one, it’s best to treat the situation like you’re on the bomb squad, and you’re trying to choose whether to cut the blue or the red wire. If you say the right thing, you might get a medal from the commissioner! If you say the wrong thing, you might get a chunk of metal. In your face.
My wife is 37 weeks pregnant, and she’s kindly put together some lists of things to say or not say to pregnant women. For your own safety, please, take these to heart.
The Blue Wire: Things that are (almost) always okay to say to a pregnant woman
- 5. How are you feeling?
- 4. You have such a cute pregnant belly.
- 3. You are so tiny!
- 2. I can’t believe you are already 8 months pregnant! (This only applies when she is actually 8 months pregnant, of course.)
- 1. You look great/terrific/fabulous!
The Orange Wire: Things that are sometimes okay to say to a pregnant woman (proceed with caution!):
- 5. Look at you! You’re showing!
- 4. You have that pregnant glow.
- 3. The due date will be here before you know it.
- 2. You look like you’re ready to pop! or, Any day now, huh? (Only say this if you know she is within a week of the due date or overdue. Otherwise, just don’t go there.)
- 1. You look ready. (Again, only say this to your friend if you know she is full-term and really ready to have the baby.)
The Red Wire: Things you should never, ever say to a pregnant woman:
- 5. Do you mean that, or is that just the pregnancy hormones talking?
- 4. Seriously, what are you going to name the baby?
- 3. You’re so HUGE!
- 2. I can’t believe you’re only 8 months pregnant!
- 1. Are you sure you’re not having twins??
I LOVE this post! Additional red wire comments would include “Was this planned?” and “Wow, you are going to be busy!”. (The second one is especially dangerous if the mother is holding a toddler at the time).
Why don’t people just stick with the always appreciated “Congratulations!”. Or, I remember being very newly pregnant with Amalia and having a friend say to us “You two are going to make great parents.” I don’t think I could have asked for anything more valuable to hear.
Wait! I thought of a few more “red wire” ones. “You’re not going to have another one so soon, are you?” and “Just think, if you have a boy this time, you can be done!”.
Yes, people actually said these things to me. As my midwife put it, when you’re pregnant, some people’s manners filter just disappears.
I would have to remove “your so tiny” from the Blue List. People keep telling me this and its SOOO frustrating! I’m having difficulty eating–despite carrying a 9+ lb baby! I want strangers and friends to start telling me I’m huge, not reminding me of the problems I’ve had with this pregnancy.
Yes, those are all good additions to the list. I thought of another one today:
“So how dilated are you?”
I don’t think people realize just how personal this question is. It makes me want to print my own t-shirt that says, “How’s YOUR cervix?”
To be honest though, I’d probably have to put this one in the “sometimes” category, because there’s a select few group of people that I don’t mind if they ask. But to the general pregnant-woman encountering public I would say: if she wants to update you on her cervical changes, she’ll tell you.