Picture this: It’s Tuesday evening, and I’ve just returned from the grocery store. Being a man, I am attempting to bring in all of the groceries at once, so I have 5 heavy plastic sacks looped over various appendages, a 12-pack of paper towels hooked under my armpit, and I’m trying to pick up a 6th and final plastic sack using my one free pinky finger.
But this sack is not structurally sound. It’s engineers never intended that it should hold a can of corn, some coffee creamer, and a large salsa bottle. I get it by just one loop, which immediately breaks, the bag plummets, and there is an explosive sound. Salsa fills this little plastic bag faster than a certain family member can fill a diaper.
Anyway, this happened Tuesday, and I was quite grumpy about it. I was looking forward to that salsa! I had plans for a hot date involving me, the salsa, some chips, and a pre-recorded episode of The Office. Alas, ’twas not to be. So, I put the other groceries away, threw away the salsa bottle, rinsed off the coffee creamer, and got on with life.
At some point during this, I should have thought, “Hey, didn’t I buy a can of corn?” But I didn’t.
So, yesterday (Wednesday) when we got home from work, I noticed an even spray of little yellow particles all over the driveway behind the car. Baffled, I walked around and saw this:
Apparently, I had backed over the corn that morning on the way to work, leaving it all day to dry out into little corn raisins that stuck to my driveway and were a real pain to clean up! What a mess. But still, on some level, isn’t that kind of hilarious? This story doesn’t have a moral, but if it did it would be something like, “Just because you dropped the salsa doesn’t mean you have to back over the corn.” Ponder that.
You know, you shouldn’t talk about Karianne filling her diaper on this website. Now, all your friends are going to learn that Kaeta is going to be potty-trained before her mother. That’s just mean, Derek. Mean.